In the highly structured world of American politics, one presidential candidate stands out by wearing a large rubber boot on his head and carrying a giant toothbrush. Since the late 1980s, a man named Vermin Love Supreme has consistently campaigned for the highest office in the United States.
His official political platform includes government-funded time travel research, zombie apocalypse preparedness, and a federal law requiring all citizens to brush their teeth. The most popular pillar of his campaign is the promise to give one free pony to every single American.
A Rubber Boot and a Giant Toothbrush
Vermin Supreme is a performance artist and political activist from Massachusetts. He legally changed his middle name to “Love” and adopted his unique public persona decades ago. During political rallies and primary events, he appears wearing a prominent black rubber boot resting upside down on his head.
The boot weighs roughly 2 pounds (0.9 kilograms). He often pairs this headwear with a massive, oversized toothbrush and multiple colorful neckties. He travels across the country, walking distances of up to 5 miles (8 kilometers) a day during campaign events, directly addressing voters with a megaphone.
Mandatory Oral Hygiene and Zombie Awareness
Supreme officially entered national politics by registering as a candidate in various presidential primaries. He has run as an independent, a Democrat, a Republican, and a Libertarian. His campaign promises remain entirely consistent across all political parties.
He insists that mandatory toothbrushing laws will create a healthier nation. He also demands that the federal government heavily fund time travel research so the country can go back and fix past mistakes. Additionally, Supreme campaigns on the urgent need to prepare the population for an impending zombie apocalypse, offering to harness the energy of giant turbines powered by zombies.
The Free Pony Economy
The central focus of Supreme’s political and economic strategy is the free pony platform. He explicitly states that providing a pony to every American citizen will drastically reduce reliance on foreign oil and completely eliminate greenhouse gases from vehicle emissions.
He proposes that the ponies will serve as a federal identification system, arguing that citizens must carry their ponies with them at all times. During the 2012 New Hampshire Democratic primary, Supreme received 833 official votes, showing that a portion of the electorate directly supported his pony-based economy.
The 2012 Glitter Bomb Incident
Supreme regularly participates in lesser-known candidate debates. During a 2012 presidential debate in New Hampshire, he shared the stage with anti-abortion activist Randall Terry. As the debate concluded, Supreme announced that Jesus had told him to turn Terry gay.
Supreme then pulled out a container of metallic glitter and threw it directly over Terry’s head. The event was captured on video and broadcast widely across national news networks. Supreme continues to file the required paperwork to run for President of the United States in every election cycle.